While on the edge

For many nights you have been having the same dream.

In those dreams, you seldom hear his voice, which is a reflection of the very last phone call you two had, when he was in the hospital a few moments before he passed away, unable to speak, but could only utter, albeit painfully, a hoarse sound from a tortured throat. In your dreams, you see him, weak and ill, and you are helpless. Those dreams recur night after night, and you wake up with cyclone of emotions bursting followed by a whimper of a cry.

You recognize you have been walking on the edge of shadows for far too long. You have selflessly gave of yourself to the world. Yet never asked anything in return. You loved profusely. In your generous gift to the world, you only wanted love to magnify in the lives of those you care for. That they may feel joy. That they may forget their daily struggles even for a brief moment. That they may taste the promises of a good life etched on the palms of fate and hard work.

For many years, you have been that person. Lovingly entrusting even your weakest and most vulnerable self to those whom you thought cared and loved you just the same. In the midst of that selflessness, you forgot one thing. People, you see…

People do not know how to handle the love they don’t deserve. They still crave for something else, like a sea water on an unquenchable thirst. It is not you, however, who can satisfy that need. So, you continue to be oblivious and generous and kind and understanding. While, in those dark shadows of the night, their longings come alive. With you very far from their thoughts. With your heart trampled on the ground. For a very, very long time.

For some people you are not enough. Not good enough. And once you finally found out, there was immeasurable pain. The pain that paralyzes your entire being. You can only hear your heart beat, but you are unable to move. You lie there. For a very, very long time.

Free up yourself.

Dear loved one, it is time.

It is time to love yourself. Take that one step from the edge of the shadow. Step into the reassuring presence of the moon. Poke a hole into the curtains of heaven and let your love and life shine a tiny speck of light.

You loved well. Damn it! You loved well.




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