A Narcissistic Manager’s Ten Golden Rules

  1. Mess up their schedule. If you are in a team setting where your employees work different schedules on a weekly basis, try to have them work longer than normal because that is the need of the business. As a matter of fact, don’t give them enough notice. Hey! With the economy right now, they are lucky to be working!
  2. Don’t get too personal with your subordinates. Many bosses don’t create relationships with their employees, so that it will be easier to terminate them. This is true with many professional sports teams where general managers trade players every year. Don’t ask about their weekend, or the new baby in their family, or how they’re doing in school.  You’re better off with a huge wall between you and the employees.
  3. Call them stupid. When they make mistakes, they deserve to be called names.  That will make them feel bad about themselves and they will learn from it. And, for those who are newly hired, make their lives miserable.  They need to earn their place.
  4. Interpret and apply company policies selectively. As a manager, you can come to work late or leave early.  That’s your prerogative.  You’ve earned it!  For the employees, make all the rules apply to those who are lazy, while give longer leash to those whom you like.  Rewards and consequences, remember?
  5. Never show you care. We are all professionals, right? We are all here to work.  Don’t let them fool you with their sad stories about childcare, illness, or any other family issues.  If they want to continue to work in your team, they need to be a team player and leave personal problems at home.  Start tracking tardiness and issue warning letters profusely.
  6. Let your subordinates do your job for you. That’s why you pay them to make your life easier.  That is called delegating!
  7. Never learn your subordinates’ jobs. That is way below your paygrade. If they make mistakes, aside from dealing with harsh consequences later on, they need to be able to fix it without so much intervention from you.  They need to clean up their own mess.  It is not your job to learn, understand, and know how to troubleshoot their errors.
  8. Never encourage them. Don’t let them know that they have potentials.  They might realize it, unleash them, and take over your job!  Anyway, you are a manager, not an inspirational speaker.
  9. Employee recreation is a waste of time and money. You’re better off spending scarce resources repainting your worn out office.  If they want to go have a picnic and build camaraderie, they can do that on their own time and dime.  But, they must not post pictures on social media especially when you’re not there.  And, they are not allowed to talk about the management on such occasions.
  10. Remember, YOU are the most valuable member of the team!
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